Showing posts from January, 2019

Freed from the Dark Hole of Hate

Did you know the cavernous pit you dug into me, with your blows and slaps and curses? Did you know how the cuts they made fired sharp pangs through my body, into my soul, and tore out a part of my being?

I see your face, with lines of flesh contorted to dark, ferocious ugliness, the thick vast heights and depressions of a forehead of trembling ridges, spitting out sweat and rage, a volcano bathing the world around it with the acrid plumes of death. It rumbled and hissed, with your sinews shifting at the stirring of the hate you had for me.

And I was drowned in that molten, toxic, all consuming sea you spewed forth. It was slippery, like the ground soaked in our sweat mingled, like the things that slipped through my lips on those nights: my pleas, my prayers, my blood.

Did you know how, with your every lunge and punch, you broke my fragile hopes that living was worth trying out? After every one of those times your verbal tirades smashed me to smithereens, I had to gather up the dust a…

I'm Sorry #Arttherapy

I'm sorry for running away when you throw these darts I'm sorry for trying to protect my own heart I'm sorry that I have not learnt the art Of laying ajar while you pound me apart I'm sorry it's hard for you to break me from the start
I'm sorry I could not decide my own fate Sorry I inevitably came in through your gate I'm sorry I could not say wait Sorry I couldn't push away the hate
I'm sorry my eyes blaze instead of water I'm sorry my ears are averse to banter I'm sorry I haven't met up to your quota Sorry I couldn't help being his daughter
I'm sorry these doors always seem to slam shut Sorry the pitch of your voice isn't deep enough to drown hurt Sorry I share with you all I've got Sorry the bad outweighs the good I've brought
If these walls could talk They'd tell you how sorry I am For trying to be a woman The woman you are not

----------------------------- Dedicated to all those who care for domestic abuse …

A Girls Dream, A Mother's Prayer. #ArtTherapy

Nnem I remember,
The pitter patter, rain drops on the window pane of my bedroom, too loud yet incapable of blocking out the sound of your gentle sobs, the ones you cried softly so you wouldn't "wake" the children that never slept,
the heaving of your chest as you spit out the words " nne I have tried! This will be my last night here"... Night after night.

I can not forget, the gurgling that made me rush to your room door, heart banging against my chest, "let me out of here!", so I can fall on the ground and break into a million little pieces and be blown into the wind never to return here. Numb. It was sore relief and welled up anger to know you were only laughing, " why were you laughing in that manner?! You scared me!".

You see, the fear of what you went through built a false resistance of man in me, like to be free I had to stay bound beneath layers of suspicion and sensitivity, so everywhere you shielded yourself from the blows, I rose …

Literal Frames

Through different stages of my life, I have always wished I could exchange my body for another. It's been a year and two months since I stopped paying visits to the mirror. I've never felt good enough, my state of mind has gradually swung me numb, a countless times I feel dumb. Their voices like a tape on replay have formed an album of their own. I grew up hearing words like
"You will never amount to anything"
"You are good for nothing"
"useless shegoat"
"Ugly beast"
These words have taken a grip on my being. Some days my mom looks at me with disgust and spits, saying "You ugly thing, I wish I aborted you".
When I go to church I really wish to believe what the preacher is saying, but these tracks of verbal scurrilities preach a sermon of their own in my mind. I felt insulted the first time I heard the words "I love you." Somehow I figured I was being mocked, and so became defensive. I have been forced to believe a…